I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The adults are the big ones right?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
