oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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