I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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