Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Randomize
