at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
