what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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