At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
They have beer where we have blood.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
