Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
