I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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