just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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