Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
