It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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