So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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