I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
