if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
