Yo dont text me then not text me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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