Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
