so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it's like iHOP with fire
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My feet surprised me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
