you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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