i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Michael Bay diarrhea
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
