Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
