Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
