p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
