i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
