We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
