Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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