Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
