About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
