We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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