im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
