i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
