i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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