So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
