So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
