I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
