Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
