hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
