I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
