She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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