Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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