her vagine was all disorganized.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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