You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
