Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
