I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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