god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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