i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
