I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
