You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's blow job season.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
