we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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