I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
