Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
