last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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