is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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